Scud Stud (residual_lines) wrote,
Scud Stud

Time for a new years post

2009. It ended in a marvelous, musical house party among my favorite people while I suffered the pain of a urinary tract infection. (Or as I like to think of it, the 'Dance Dance, Pee Pee Party') Fairly good allegory for the year. In my personal life, I feel as though I've had a breakthrough of sorts. I have learned what it means to truly, deeply love in a romantic sense. Surprising right? Also, I have started to embrace the idea that I may be more than just smart...I may even be pretty. What is this? A comfort in my own skin that I've never really known? The future is done scaring me, I will take it as it comes and I figure it will all come at some point. That alone is reason to dance.

At the same time, there is the burning sensation of professional failure. I have gotten no where in my job search this year. And I really have tried hard...that is the sting in my urine flow. At the same time, there is also the pain of losing my beloved grandmother, and the confusion of emotion following my father's suicide. I suppose no one would blame me if I considered '09 an awful year because of those things...but it truly didn't feel intensely bad.

Now for the clean up of the house (which my friends helped with immensely) and the clean up of 2009 (which my friends and family are also helping immensely). It is a lot like cleaning the liquor bottles that littered the house...only it smells more like hope than stale beer.

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